Trauma and children – tips for parents

How children react to trauma

A child’s response to a distressing or scary experience can depend on:

• their age
• their personality
• how you or your family is reacting

Your child may not react in ways you expect. They might be:

• withdrawn - they might lose interest in activities. They could also be less confident, be quiet, or return to ways of behaving when they were a baby.
• preoccupied - they might need to relive the experience. For example, through repetitive play or drawings. Your child might be scared about future events or may have nightmares.
• anxious - they might have problems concentrating or paying attention. They may want to be close to you all the time, have sleep problems or get frustrated easily.
• unwell - they might have headaches and stomach aches.

Your child might have a delayed reaction. Some children can seem fine, but can react days, weeks or even months later.

How to talk about a traumatic event

It will help your child if you are honest with them. You could:

• reassure your child that they are safe and that the event is over. You may have to reassure them many times.
• listen to your child. Take their concerns and feelings seriously.
• let your child know that you would like to hear about how they are feeling.
• tell your child about what happened in a way that is appropriate to their age. Use language they understand. If your child doesn't know the basic facts, they may try to work out what happened on their own. They may use their imagination or limited information to complete the story. This may create more anxiety and confusion for your child.
• make sure your child knows it is not their fault. They might think this if they were naughty or thought bad things about someone.
• talk about the event as a family. Allow everyone to have their say, including children. This helps everyone feel supported, heard and understood.
• talk to your child about how people may respond to distress. Tell them their feelings are normal in these circumstances. You can reassure them that they will feel better over time.

How you can respond to a traumatic event

Your reactions to your child's feelings and behaviour will impact their recovery. It is important to:

• be understanding about their changes in behaviour. Children react to distressing or scary events in different ways. Changes in their behaviour like tantrums or bedwetting is normal.
• give your child extra attention. This can be important at bedtime and at other times of separation.
• get help for yourself. Children look to their parents or carers to understand a crisis and respond. They need adults around them to understand their fears and comfort them. If you are distressed, you can get support too. If you don't, it could increase the fear and stress your child feels.
• talk about your feelings in an appropriate way with your child. This can help them to talk about theirs.
• remember that everyone is different and may have different emotions. Don’t expect your child to feel the same way you do.
• give your child a sense of control over their life. Even making minor decisions can make them feel more in control. This is especially important after the chaos of a crisis. Children who feel helpless can experience more stress.
• try not to be overly protective of your child. It is normal for you to want to keep your family close after a crisis. But it is important to help them feel that their world is a safe place to be.

Family routines after a traumatic event

It is important to:

• keep to your regular routine as much as possible. This is reassuring for children.
• reassure your child if they can't manage their usual routine. This could include attending school or performing household chores.
• avoid introducing changes such as new routines, responsibilities or expectations for their behaviour.
• maintain your role as the adult in the house. If you are struggling, it is important not to rely on your child for help.

How to help your child recover:

It is important to:

• allow your child plenty of time to play. This could be sport, their favourite games and activities with familiar friends.
• allow time for fun. Laughter, good times and shared pleasure can help all family members to feel better.
• remember that your child's appetite can change. If they don’t feel like eating at mealtimes, offer them regular snacks throughout the day instead.
• make sure your child gets enough rest and sleep.
• help them with physical exercise. This will help your child with stress and improve their sleep.
• limit sugar, coloured foods and chocolate.
• help your child to physically relax. This could be with warm baths, massages, story times and lots of cuddles.
• change the activity if it makes your child upset or anxious. For example, a television show that makes your child worried or scared.

If at any time you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Where to get help

• Your GP (doctor)
• Your maternal and child health nurse
• Your local community health centre
• Paediatrician or Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist your doctor can refer you
• Phoenix Australia Centre for Post-traumatic Mental Health Tel. (03) 9035 5599
• Centre for Grief and Bereavement; Tel. 1800 642 066

You can also get advice from:

• Lifeline Tel. 13 11 14
• GriefLine Tel. 1300 845 745
• beyondblue Tel. 1300 22 4636
• Kids;Helpline Tel. 1800 55 1800
• Nurse-on-Call Tel. 1300 60 60 24; for expert health information and advice (24 hours, 7 days)
• Australian Parenting Website