Men and sexuality

Your sexuality is a key part of who you are. Throughout your life, it will influence your choices and your experiences.

Looking after your sexual health is important. Be sure to practise safe sex, and remember, if you have any sexual health issues there is always someone you can talk to.

Sexuality for boys and young men

At around age 12, puberty starts for most boys. Puberty is the time when your sexual and reproductive organs mature. You will go through significant physical changes, including:

• height and muscle growth
• genital growth
• hair growth
• voice changes
• wet dreams
• erections
• breast changes.

There are also many emotional changes including:

• coping with your changing body
• frustration because you feel different
• mood swings
• energy changes.

Men and masturbation

Masturbation is touching and rubbing parts of your body for sexual pleasure. For example, you might touch or rub your penis until you ejaculate or ‘come’. It is normal to masturbate. You will probably become interested in this at some time in your childhood. It feels good and may help you cope with stress and relax.

There is no ‘normal’ amount of masturbation. ‘Normal’ can range from several times a day, week or month to not masturbating at all. How often you masturbate is not a problem, unless it is affecting your ability to live your everyday life.

Having sex for the first time

You have probably thought a lot about having sex for the first time. But you want to be sure you’re ready for sex. Before you do, there are a few things to think about. Remember:

• Both partners need to agree to have sex.
• No-one has the right to force you to have sex.
• You always have the right to say no, and so does your partner.
• It is okay to change your mind, even if you have already started.

Sexual attraction

Some men are sexually attracted to women, some men are attracted to men, some are attracted to both women and men. And other men are not attracted to anyone. There are many forms of sexuality – straight, gay, bisexual or asexual, just to name a few. And some men explore different types of sexuality, particularly when they are young.

If you are an adult and you are with a consenting adult, you are probably safe to explore your sexuality. Visit Lawstuff for more information about age, consent and the law.

Practise safe sex

Protect yourself and your partner from a sexually transmissible infection or an unplanned pregnancy by using contraception such as a condom or dental dam. They don’t cost much and you can get them at chemists and supermarkets.

If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and neither you nor your partner has a sexually transmissible disease, you could think about other types of contraception, if necessary.

Safe sex doesn’t just mean contraception. It also means having sex that is enjoyable and respectful. This means:

• having sex with the right person
• having sex when you are both ready
• having the kind of sex you both want and enjoy
• having sex at a time and place you are both happy with
• feeling good about the type of sex you are having.

Sexual assault

Sexual assault is any unwanted sexual behaviour or activity that makes the victim feel uncomfortable, frightened or threatened. It is sexual activity that the victim has not given consent to. It refers to a broad range of sexual behaviours, including the use or threat of violence to force another person to engage in sexual activity against their will.

Sexual assault includes rape, child sexual abuse and indecent assault. These crimes are about power and control, not desire and pleasure. They affect the victim in many different ways, including:

• shock and denial
• shame and embarrassment
• fear
• silence
• anxiety
• depression
• guilt and blame
• low self-esteem
• isolation
• nightmares and flashbacks
• withdrawal
• mood swings
• loss of confidence
• loss of trust.

Men and women can both be victims of sexual assault. If you have been the victim of sexual assault, there are people that can help you. If you need immediate help, call 000. If you want to talk, see your doctor, or contact one of the services listed under 'Where to Get Help'.

Men and sexual health

Just like any other aspect of your health, sometimes, things can go wrong with your sexual health. Some of the common sexual health issues affecting men are discussed below.

Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual problem for men. It means you ejaculate sooner than you or your partner want, causing distress for one or both of you. It is a problem only if it happens all the time.

If this is happening to you, make sure you get professional advice from your doctor.

Some treatments for premature ejaculation might include:

• behavioural techniques
• Kegel exercises
• psychotherapy and counselling
• reducing penile sensation
• SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and tricyclic antidepressants
• erectile dysfunction treatments.

Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) usually has a physical cause. It is often linked with diabetes, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking and obesity. But it can also be caused by psychological factors such as stress, anxiety or depression.

It is normal for you to experience ED occasionally, particularly if you have been drinking or are very tired. But if you find ED is becoming a regular problem, talk to your doctor. Treatments include counselling, oral medication, vacuum devices, penile injections and implants.

Reduced libido

Your libido is your sex drive or desire to have sex. Libido varies dramatically from one person to the next. And your libido will probably change over your life, depending on your age, health, lifestyle and relationship.

Here are some medical reasons why your sex drive may fall:

• reduced levels of testosterone
• chronic illness, such as diabetes or heart disease
• impotence
• obesity
• depression
• ejaculation problems
• taking certain medications.

If you are worried, see your doctor. They can explain your options for working at getting your libido back.

Male fertility

The quality of your sperm decreases as you get older. As you age there is a risk that you may not be able to conceive increases. And there is a higher chance of miscarriage if the father is over 45 years old.

If you are experiencing fertility issues, its best to seek advice from a health professional.

Sex tips for older men

You are never too old to have sex. But as you get older, your testosterone levels decline and you may experience changes in sexual function (such as shorter orgasms, less semen and a longer time between erections).

So here are some tips to maintain a rewarding sex life:

• Keep talking to your partner. Share needs, desires and concerns.
• Stay healthy. Eat healthily. Don’t drink too much. Don’t smoke. Manage chronic conditions. And talk to your doctor about any particular sexual problems you have.
• See a sex therapist. Ask your doctor for a referral.
• Intimacy is not just having sex. Try kissing, touching and other intimate contact.
• If you are planning to have sex with a new partner, use a condom. You are still at risk of STIs.

Where to get help

• Your GP (doctor)
• Sex therapist
• Psychologist
• Melbourne Sexual Health Centre Tel. (03) 9341 6200 or 1800 032 017 or TTY (for the hearing impaired) (03) 9347 8619
• MensLine Australia Tel. 1300 78 99 78
• Sexual Assault Crisis Line Tel. 1800 806 292, Victoria (from 5pm to 9am)
• National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service (Australia) Tel. 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), 24 hours, 7 days
• Victims of Crime Helpline Tel. 1800 819 817
• QLife (counselling and referral service for LGBTIQA+ people) – Tel. 1800 184 527
• headspace (mental health service for ages 12–25) – Tel. 1800 650 890
• ReachOut (youth mental health service)
• Beyond Blue (for anyone feeling depressed or anxious) – Tel. 1300 22 4636
• Lifeline (support for anyone having a personal crisis) – Tel. 13 11 14
• Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 55 1800
• Switchboard Tel. 1800 184 527 (telephone counselling, information and referrals)
• Healthy Male