Gambling - providing support

Gambling becomes an issue when it causes harm to the gambler and those close to them. Usually, this means they are spending more money or time on gambling than they can afford. It can be painful if a family member or friend has an issue with gambling.

It can be difficult being affected by someone else’s gambling. You cannot force someone to acknowledge that they have an issue with gambling, but you can encourage them to seek professional help. If you’re not sure how to approach the situation, a counsellor can point you in the right direction.

Signs of gambling

If your friend or family member is struggling with their gambling, they might:

• have long, unexplained absences from home, school, or work
• withdraw from family and friends
• seem anxious, distracted, or have difficulty paying attention
• have mood swings, usually high when winning and lower when losing
• get overly upset at the conclusion of sporting matches or online games
• become secretive over money and finances or start to hide bank and credit card statements
• display intense interest in gambling conversations
• ask friends and family for money
• have unexplained debts, or windfalls of cash or new items (like new clothes or jewellery)
• be either short of money, or exceedingly generous
• have money conflicts with other people.

You may notice that:

• money is missing from the house or from bank accounts
• an increasing lack of money despite the same income and expenses
• they take on extra jobs, but you don't see any extra money
• unexplained dwindling of savings and assets
• jewellery or other valuables disappearing and reappearing as they are pawned
• they talk about gambling all the time
• they defend gambling as a way to get money
• they may get secretive, defensive or even blame you for the need to gamble – 1they may you that it is ‘all for you’ and you need to trust in the ‘big win someday.’

Talk about it

If you suspect that someone you know has a problem with gambling, it’s important to help them. Not doing something could have significant negative consequences. These can include relationship breakdown, financial problems, loss of employment, and mental health problems, including suicide.

The best way to find out if someone has a gambling addiction is to ask. Make sure you choose a time when you can talk in private and are both calm.
Before you talk to the person, prepare yourself for the full range of responses you may encounter, from relief through to anger. The person may deny, minimise, rationalise, or lie about their gambling behaviour. Or they may blame others.

Be aware that they may feel ashamed or embarrassed and may not want to talk.

Decisions about money

It's likely the person you're concerned about has difficulty handling money when gambling opportunities exist. You could:

• suggest setting a limit of an agreed amount for them to spend on gambling each week
• help them set up a budget and direct debit for bills
• plan together how to limit their access to money for a period of time – for example, once bills are paid, you could make sure they have only what they need for food and other essential items
• look after their credit and eftpos cards for them.

The person with a gambling problem may ask you to give or lend them money. If you give them financial help, make sure they get counselling help as well. Be clear that loans must be paid back, even if it's only a small amount each week.

Quitting may take several attempts

Overcoming a gambling problem will take time. Issues to consider include:

• Expect things may not go to plan. Most gamblers make several attempts to stop gambling before they stop completely.
• Encourage the person to seek professional help. Some will possibly make contact with a gambling help service, but not show up or only go once or twice.
• Slip-ups can occur while trying to stop gambling. However, slip-ups can make the person aware of what triggers their gambling and help them to devise new tactics to manage it.
• Your emotional support is important. Congratulate the gambler on their successes and note positive behavioural changes.

Develop an action plan for lapses

Returning to gambling is a common problem for people trying to stop, so it can be useful to have a plan in place that will help keep them headed in the right direction.

Suggestions include:

• If they ask you to a meeting with a counsellor, go along if you can.
• Encourage them to keep talking openly with you.
• Agree to talk about gambling relapses or loss of control, so triggers that lead to the urge to gamble are understood and can be handled in future.
• If they set out a budget and ask for help sticking to it, support them.
• If you are not sure how to help, consult with a gambling help service.

Gambler's Help

Every year Gambler’s Help assists thousands of Victorians to successfully take control of their gambling. Gambler’s Help supports people with gambling problems, family and friends close to them, and those just wanting to cut back or regain control.

All Gambler's Help services are 100% free.

Call now for free, professional and confidential support, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: Tel: 1800 858 858.

Where to get help

• Gambler’s Help Tel. 1800 858 858 24-hour telephone counselling service
• Gambler’s Help Youthline Tel. 1800 262 376 24-hour telephone counselling service for people under 25.
• Your GP (doctor) or other health professional
• Victorian Responsible Gambling Foundation
• Gambling Help Online - counselling and information services including a peer support program.
• Gambler’s Help Tel. 1800 858 858, TTY 1800 777 706 – 24-hour telephone counselling service
• Gamblers Anonymous Tel. (03) 9696 6108 – support group for people with a gambling problem
• Gamble Aware – information about the odds of winning, how gambling works, and when to stop
• Lifeline Tel. 13 11 14
• SuicideLine Victoria Tel. 1300 651 251