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Barbara was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 45. After the shock of her initial diagnosis she decided not to give in to depression, but to fight her disease.
Can you tell me how you found the cancer?
One evening before going to bed, I did self-examination of my breasts and found a lump in my right breast. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to have a look. It looked a bit funny and this was a Sunday night, so I thought on Monday I had better go to the doctor.
I went to the doctor on Monday afternoon and had a mammogram and ultrasound, and then went back to the doctor Monday evening. The results said it was probably fibrous tissue. I saw a breast specialist the following Wednesday and I thought, 'Well, if it is fibrous tissue, I will be fine', so I went on my own. The specialist looked at my breast and said, 'I don't like the look of that', and took a needle biopsy, and within 20 minutes told me I had breast cancer.
So this big wall went up and I thought, 'Oh, I wasn't expecting this', and all I talked about was how I could get out of the carpark and where I could get some change - I didn't want to know about the cancer. The specialist said, 'Well, we can either arrange for surgery and take a biopsy and find out what type of cancer it is, or we can take a biopsy now under ultrasound and have the results when you go into surgery'.
So I thought, 'I will do that. I am here and I may as well get it over and done with'. So, by the time I went into surgery, I knew that it was quite an aggressive cancer. I didn't really know whether the whole breast was going to be removed or just the lump. But they did plan to just take the lump and the lymph nodes.
How did you react to the diagnosis?
I was shocked when I received the diagnosis, but I thought I had to get on with it; 'I have to cope with this'.
After the surgery, I went back to the specialist rooms to have the stitches removed and a drainage bottle removed, which came home with me. They had the results of my tumour and how many lymph nodes were involved, and I knew if the lymph nodes were involved that it wasn't a good sign.
They told me it was a grade three tumour that was aggressive, and that the cancer had gone through my lymph nodes. I asked straight away what my survival rate was and the answer was that, overall with breast cancer patients, there was a 70 per cent survival rate. But I wanted to know what mine was, because I had a grade three tumour and the glands were involved.
I did find out that my chances were about 50/50. I wasn't happy with that. I sort of went into a bit of slump for a little while. I thought, 'Well, let's get on with it, because I might be on the good side of the 50 and, if I'm not, I really don't want to be miserable'. So I dragged myself up out of that state - where I was depressed about the bad 50 - and thought, 'Well, I could be on the good side'.
Can you explain the treatment you had after the operation?
After my operation, I had a course of chemotherapy, six weeks of radiotherapy, and then another course of chemotherapy. My first chemotherapy caused my hair to fall out, mouth ulcers and vomiting - quite a few severe side effects, which doesn't happen to everybody. My radiotherapy I got through quite well, without too much burning or too much discomfort - that was quite good.
My third session for this course was another dose of chemotherapy, which to me was probably the easiest. It was every two weeks taking tablets and having a drip, but the side effects were minimal compared to the first chemotherapy, so I got through that one quite well.
It was quite daunting going in for my first episode of chemotherapy, not knowing how chemotherapy is administered, but - once I got there - the staff took me into a room with lots of chairs, like Jason recliners, with drips beside them and quite a few people hooked up to all these drips.
How did you feel about losing your hair?
At the point where I was losing my hair, I was in the shower one morning and washing my hair and it was coming out in clumps. I knew it was going to happen - I was expecting it - so I wasn't shocked. I rang my husband at work and told him, and he said, 'Oh well, we were expecting that. It's okay. I'll have to come home and see it'.
Week by week it fell out more and more, and then it was my daughter's 21st birthday and I had little clumps and tufts everywhere. So she shaved that off for me and I just dressed myself up, put plenty of make up on and went along bald to the 21st - and had a wonderful time. I didn't really hide the fact that I was bald.
How did people react?
They stare at you. My husband would often say, 'She has lost her hair through cancer; she has had chemotherapy', and they would ask, 'What sort of cancer?', and things like that. If we went out and I would wear a hat, he would always tell me to take it off because he thought I looked good without a hat. So that gave me a bit of a boost.
I did go to work and do some filing and, as it was at a dental surgery, I thought I had better wear a scarf there, because people might get shocked.
How does the treatment impact on your life as a whole?
My specialist told me that I would have 12 months of treatment, so I decided I would give up work, and my life at that stage was just the treatment. Everyday there was something going on to get me through this. So I just gave into it and didn't worry about. It was just like a job I had to do. I would get up in the morning, get dressed and just go.
After I got the day covered with what I had to do for my treatment and my cancer, I would do my everyday things - shopping, visit people, housework, everything else. It didn't take my whole day, but part of my day was to get through this. I didn't have small children at that stage; they were all self-sufficient.
What do you think your husband went through emotionally?
When I was going through the cancer, my husband's worst fear was of me dying and how he was going to cope without me. Then he would pull himself out of that and say, 'No, you aren't going to die. I will be all right', but I think deep down he was worried. He felt as if he had no control. He couldn't do anything to help me. He could be there and support me, but he couldn't actually give me anything or do anything to help me, and he felt really helpless.
The key to recovery is support. My family gave me fantastic support. My husband, my three daughters, my mum, dad, brothers and my sister were all there, encouraging me and telling me how well I looked and how well I was coping. I thought, 'Then it must be true, so I'll keep going'. Everybody offered help. Neighbours cooked meals and took me shopping; it really got me through. So, if anyone offers you support and help, this is the time to take it.
How important is it to talk to other people who have gone through the same experience?
I think, going through breast cancer, you really need the insight of someone who has been through it. If you can find someone who has been through it, speak to them and find out their story. You can relate this to yourself and think, 'Well, that person has gone through it and I am going to go through it. They have come out the other end. I can do that. There is hope there'.
When I was going through it, I wanted to speak to someone who had the same cancer, in the same site as I had. The same grade three, gone through the lymph nodes and who - five years down the track - was still alive. Once I did speak to that lady, my life changed. I thought, 'I can do it. I can be there too', and I am.
If there was one thing you could say to a person who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, what would it be?
If someone has been diagnosed with breast cancer, the one thing I would say is: Never, never give in to it. Always be positive. If for some reason you are not happy with the course of treatment laid out for you, seek other opinions until you are happy, and ask as many questions as you can. If you are armed with knowledge, you can go forward and give yourself the best treatment and the best survival rate.
When I was first diagnosed, I was quite depressed, and it takes a lot of courage to get yourself out of that. I just looked at myself one day and thought, 'I can live like this - depressed and worried about my cancer - or get on top of it, try and fight it, and get through it being happy and positive'. It is really hard to do that, but one day I just decided to fight it and get through it and get to my five years. I'm there next March.
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