Sex education - talking to teenagers

Young people want to talk with their parents and carers about sexual health. Avoiding the subject won’t stop young people having sex, but it may result in them relying on inaccurate information, putting them at risk of unwanted sex, unintended pregnancy and sexually transmissible infections (STIs).

Young people are exposed to images and stories about sex in the media every day. They talk to their friends and seek out information on the Internet. Not all of this information, however, is accurate or empowering.

Most young people (88 per cent) seek information about sexual health at some stage. They most commonly consult either their mother (56 per cent) or a female friend (55 per cent), use their school sexual health program (49 per cent), pamphlets (44 per cent) or their doctor (39 per cent) for information on sexual health.

Talking to young people about sex does not encourage sexual experimentation. In fact, research indicates that young people who receive a comprehensive sexuality (sex) education have a lower risk of unintended pregnancy and are less likely to have sex at an early age.

How and when to start talking about sex

It’s OK to feel unsure when talking about sex with your child. Most adults do.

The easiest way to talk to your child about sex is to start at an early age, though it’s never too late. Answer questions honestly and directly when they come up and find out together what you don’t know as you go along.

The first step is to prepare yourself by getting informed, as few parents have had comprehensive sexuality education.

Preparing yourself

You can prepare yourself for discussions about sex with your child. Suggestions include:

• Talk about the issue with your partner or other adults.
• Decide what kind of values and messages you want to communicate.
• Read up on current sexual issues (your local library or Family Planning Victoria’s Resource Centre are great sources for books, magazines and DVDs).
• Arrange a parent information session for you and your friends through Family Planning Victoria (see the Where to get help section of this fact sheet).
• Accept that your child may have different views to your own.
• Remember that the aim is to discuss the topic with your child, not give a lecture.

A positive approach to sexuality

The best sexuality education is ‘sex positive’:

• Acknowledge young people are sexual beings and that choosing to be, or not to be, sexually active is a normal, healthy part of adolescence.
• Recognise that adolescence is a time of sexual development and experimentation.
• Support the right of young people to develop healthy, respectful and consensual sexual relationships.
• Discuss and affirm sexual diversity.

Try to use opportunities presented through everyday events to start conversations about sex and sexuality. Television shows, magazine articles and radio talkback can all be great starting points for discussion.

Try asking your child, ‘What do you think about that?’ Young people respond much better to being asked than being told.

What to talk about

Sexuality education involves more than just the mechanics of reproduction. You might like to discuss the following topics:

• What a good, respectful relationship is like
• What sexual feelings mean
• Sexual pleasure
• Your values and beliefs about sexual relationships
• Gender roles
• Sexually transmissible infections (STIs)
• Safer sex practices
• Contraception, including emergency contraception (the ‘morning after pill’)
• Enjoying sexual acts other than intercourse
• Sexual problems
• Sexual preferences
• How to say ‘no’ to unwanted sex and what to do if it happens
• What to do if they become pregnant.

Contraception

The reasons some young people don’t use contraception include:

• Lack of knowledge
• Fear of their parents finding out
• A belief that using contraception implies promiscuity
• A belief that planning for sex ruins the spontaneity
• Alcohol and other drug use - this can prevent good decision making.

These are all important things to talk about.

Gender roles

Gender roles play an important part in sexual relationships. Young people learn important lessons about adult relationships by watching how their parents or carers interact. This may affect the way they conduct their own sexual relationships.

Young people need to be aware that sexual responsibility is everyone’s concern, regardless of gender. Thorough information on contraception, STIs and unintended pregnancy should be given to both young men and young women.

Making decisions

A young person needs to know how to negotiate their sexual experiences in positive and responsible ways. You can help young people make safe and informed sexual decisions. Suggestions include:

• Give them clear and correct information on contraception, safer sex and STIs.
• Encourage them to talk about sex and its consequences with their partner.
• 'Brainstorm' ways to counter unwanted sexual pressure, including peer pressure.
• Encourage them to do their own research into sexual issues.
• Stress the importance of always using a condom if they are sexually active or planning to be.
• Keep the lines of communication open, no matter what.

Ground rules at home

Most young people experiment sexually to some degree. The best time to decide on the ground rules about sexual behaviour is during an open and honest discussion about sex, not during an argument. You will need to decide, for example, whether or not the young person will be allowed to have a sexual partner in the family home. As you discuss this, be aware that forbidding sex at home does not stop young people having sexual experiences.

Where to get help

• Your doctor
• Family Planning Victoria Tel. 1800 013 952 or (03) 9257 0100 or the Action Centre (for people under 25 years) Tel. 1800 013 952 or (03) 9660 4700
• Parentline Tel. 132 289
• Not So Straight DVD – teaching resource on issues facing same sex attracted young people (available for purchase from Family Planning Victoria)

Things to remember

• Many parents feel unsure about discussing sex with their children.
• Young people need accurate information about sex if they are to negotiate sexual relationships safely and responsibly.
• Sexuality education should cover a variety of topics, including the biology of sex and reproduction, relationships, making decisions, sexual diversity, contraception and sexually transmissible infections.
• The most influential role models for young people are the other adults in their lives, especially their parents and carers.

You might also be interested in:

• Alcohol - teenagers.
  
• Contraception - choices.
  
• Parenting - communicating with teenagers.
  
• Reproductive system.
  
• Safe sex.
  
• Sex - are you ready.
  
• Sexually transmissible infections - overview.
  
• Sexually transmissible infections - signs and symptoms.
  
• Teenage health.
  
• Teenage pregnancy.
  
• Teenagers - sexual behaviour.
  
• Teenagers - sexual knowledge.
  

Want to know more?

Go to More information for support groups, related links and references.

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

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Family Planning Victoria

Fact sheet currently being reviewed.
Last reviewed: October 2010

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Young people need accurate information about sex and sexuality if they are to negotiate sexual relationships safely and responsibly. Sex education should cover a variety of topics, including the biology of sex and reproduction, relationships, sexuality, contraception and sexually transmissible infections (STIs). The most influential role models for a young person are their parents or carers.

Content on this website is provided for education and information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not imply endorsement and is not intended to replace advice from your qualified health professional. Content has been prepared for Victorian residence and wider Australian audiences, and was accurate at the time of publication. Readers should note that over time currency and completeness of the information may change. All users are urged to always seek advice from a qualified health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions.

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