Relationships - when partners become parents | Better Health Channel
Tell us what you think by taking our online survey
Close survey

Summary

For new parents, the birth of a child significantly changes relationships. Becoming a parent will affect you and your partner, and it is important to communicate your feelings and fears. Your relationship can be a great source of strength and support.

Having your first child and becoming parents is a major event for most people, and it affects lives and relationships. Couples have to cope with the demands of pregnancy, childbirth and parenting as well as dealing with their changing relationship. Couples who adjust to parenthood find their relationship is enriched and is a great source of strength and support.

Pregnancy


It is important to share the pregnancy and talk to each other about your feelings. There are issues for both partners during pregnancy, including:
  • Each person’s response to the pregnancy
  • Coping with the emotional and sexual changes that accompany pregnancy
  • Concerns about the future.

Birth


The birth of your child also brings about the birth of your family. Sharing the experience of birth is important to many couples and, these days, many fathers are present at their child’s birth. All sorts of thoughts and feelings will arise for both the mother and father during and immediately after their child’s birth. It is important to have time to talk about this, for it is a part of forming the early family bonds.

Parenthood, sexuality and intimacy


Everyone’s experience in the early months after the birth of their child is different. For some couples, the transition to parenthood is easy and it strengthens their relationship. For others, it can be a time of tiredness and stress that causes them to become distant and withdrawn. Many couples experience uncertainty in their sexual relationship after the birth of a child. Some find that the demands of parenting affect their sexual needs and their lovemaking. It is important for couples to be honest and open about this to avoid pain and misunderstanding. Becoming parents also means there is less time for each other. While most people are happy to make this change, some may feel left out or unloved.

Strengthening your relationship


If you are expecting your first child or are a new parent, there are some steps that may help you strengthen your relationship with your partner.
  • Share your experiences – talk about the joys and achievements, as well as the doubts and frustrations. Let your partner know how you feel.
  • Take control of your relationship – be clear about how you want your relationship to be and how you would like your new family to be. Talk about family traditions and values that are important to you.
  • Give yourself time – spend time alone together as a couple, regularly and without your child. This will give you a chance to get close and recharge your batteries.

Seeking help


If you find that there are difficulties in your relationship after you become parents, consider seeking the help of a counsellor. This will give you the chance to talk to someone who understands some of the changes you are going through, and can help you and your partner communicate more clearly about your feelings and expectations.

Where to get help

Things to remember

  • The birth of your first child can significantly change your relationship.
  • Everyone’s experience in the early months after the birth of their child is different.
  • Your relationship can be a great source of strength and support.
  • There are ways to look after and strengthen your relationship with your partner.
You might also be interested in: Want to know more?

Go to More information for support groups, related links and references.
This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA).

(Logo links to further information)
Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA).

Fact sheet currently being reviewed.
Last reviewed: January 2011

Content on this website is provided for education and information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not imply endorsement and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional. Content has been prepared for Victorian residents and wider Australian audiences, and was accurate at the time of publication. Readers should note that, over time, currency and completeness of the information may change. All users are urged to always seek advice from a registered health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions.


If you would like to link to this fact sheet on your website, simply copy the code below and add it to your page:

<a href="http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Relationships_when_partners_become_parents?open">Relationships - when partners become parents - Better Health Channel</a><br/>
For new parents, the birth of a child significantly changes relationships. Becoming a parent will affect you and your partner, and it is important to communicate your feelings and fears. Your relationship can be a great source of strength and support.

Content on this website is provided for education and information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not imply endorsement and is not intended to replace advice from your qualified health professional. Content has been prepared for Victorian residence and wider Australian audiences, and was accurate at the time of publication. Readers should note that over time currency and completeness of the information may change. All users are urged to always seek advice from a qualified health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions.

For the latest updates and more information, visit www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

Copyight © 1999/2012  State of Victoria. Reproduced from the Better Health Channel (www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au) at no cost with permission of the Victorian Minister for Health. Unauthorised reproduction and other uses comprised in the copyright are prohibited without permission.