One third of Australian marriages involve at least one person who has been married before. Many of these marriages include children from a previous relationship. Starting a new life together is exciting, but it can also present challenges to a couple in their relationship as partners, parents and step-parents. However, many couples in this situation are aware of the difficulties in establishing a successful relationship and form a strong commitment to making it work.
Be ready
Some people adjust to the end of a marriage more quickly and easily than others. Even if you were unhappy, it sometimes takes longer than you might expect to come to terms with the end of a marriage and then move on. Before you decide to remarry, ask yourself:
- Can I put the thoughts and emotions of my first marriage behind me?
- Can I recognise some of the things that contributed to the breakdown of my previous relationship?
- Am I emotionally ready to commit to a new partnership (and, potentially, a new family)?
Choose your partner carefully
Be realistic about the type of person you want to marry. It is important to reflect on what worked and what didn’t work in your first marriage, and to confirm what makes you compatible with your partner. If you have children, you also need to consider how your marriage will affect them. Talk to your children about how your remarriage might affect them and how they are feeling.
Learning to live in a stepfamily
When a stepfamily is created, it takes time and effort for everyone to feel comfortable and to adjust to a life together. Step-parents need to learn ways to relate to stepchildren in terms of both showing affection and providing discipline. Children need time to negotiate new roles and relationships.
Acknowledge that stepfamilies are different
Be prepared for the stepfamily to be different to your previous experience of family. For example:
- There are many more family relationships in stepfamilies. There is usually a parent, grandparents and extended family members from the first marriage to consider.
- Life has changed, and it is normal for issues and problems to arise.
- Some children may still be grieving or be distressed from the breakup of the first marriage and this can create difficulties with adjusting.
- There are more parents in a stepfamily and the parenting may be shared by someone outside the family.
Seeking help
If you are having doubts about remarrying or need some help working through some relationship issues, you may find it valuable to talk about your difficulties with a relationship counsellor. Counselling could also be considered if you are finding it difficult to face the challenges of your second marriage.
Where to get help
Things to remember
- Be sure that you are emotionally free to remarry.
- Allow time for new relationships to develop.
- Be prepared for the stepfamily to be different from your previous experience of family.
- Consider the needs of children involved.
You might also be interested in:
Relationship support services.
Relationships - when partners become parents.
Relationships and communication.
Stepfamilies.
Stepfamilies - adjusting to changes.
Want to know more?
Go to More information for support groups, related links and references.
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