The family and friends of problem gamblers can feel a sense of guilt, shame and helplessness. They may also feel frustrated, isolated and angry about gambling and its impacts. Counselling services – including financial and legal advice – are available.
Even if the person with gambling difficulties isn’t yet ready to face their problem, family members and friends can seek professional help on their own. Finding out about your options can help you make plans.
Gambling can affect family and friends
When gambling becomes a problem, a gambler may lie to their family and friends about the extent of their gambling or the amounts of money lost. Discovering that the household funds have been spent or the family home is at risk is a terrible shock for the non-gambling spouse. In these circumstances, you may feel angry, hurt and betrayed.
If the problem directly affects you, it is important to:
- Protect your financial security
- Look after your physical and emotional wellbeing
- Give yourself ‘time out’ from the problem.
Talk about the problem
If you feel that someone you know has a gambling problem, the best way to find out is to ask. Suggestions include:
- Let them know that you are asking because you are concerned and that, if they are having a problem, you would like to support them.
- Don’t argue about gambling; it may cause the person to become defensive.
- Try expressing your concern in a way that makes the gambler feel you want to help them.
Don’t lend money
Family and friends often face a difficult situation when asked to give or loan the person gambling money. Suggestions include:
- In most situations, the best thing you can do is refuse to give the person money. Although this sounds harsh, especially if they are trying hard to repay debts, it is often the best thing to do.
- Lending money to the gambler often maintains the gambling behaviour. It can take the focus away from the consequences of gambling and contribute to future problems.
- The person may prolong their situation by gambling the cash instead of paying bills.
- It is important that the person learns to take responsibility for their actions. This won’t happen if friends and family members keep giving them money.
- This does not mean you need to withdraw your support, just that you are not going to ‘bail’ them out of their problem.
Protect your financial security
Consider taking control of the family finances. Suggestions include:
- If your partner cooperates, transfer assets (such as the family home and car) into your own name and set up bank accounts that require two signatures.
- Avoid keeping cash in the home.
- Avoid inheriting or taking on the gambler’s debt.
- Seek professional advice from a financial counsellor.
Look after your physical and emotional wellbeing
Remember:
- You are not responsible for the gambler’s behaviour or their gambling problem.
- Your safety is a priority – you do not have to tolerate any abusive behaviour.
- It may be helpful to seek counselling and support for yourself.
- Give yourself some time out from the problem.
- Dealing with someone else’s gambling problem can sometimes lead to resentment and anger, and may take away from time you have for yourself, your friends or family.
- Remember to take some time for yourself. Try to leave behind the thoughts, actions and emotions associated with the gambling during this time.
- Get involved in activities you enjoy and spend time with friends.
- If you feel you need to, get some professional support.
Where to get help
- Gambler’s Help Tel. 1800 858 858 or TTY 1800 777 706 – 24-hour telephone counselling service
- Gambling Help Online - for problem gambling counselling and support (Australia-wide), 24 hours, seven days
- Gamblers Anonymous Tel. (03) 9696 6108 – support group for people with a gambling problem
Gam-Anon Tel. (03) 9898 7526 (volunteers only) – support group for family and friends
- Crown Responsible Gaming Support Centre Tel. 1800 801 098
- Australian Hotels Association (AHA) – Self Exclusion Program Tel. (03) 9654 3491 Mon to Fri (business hours) Answer Machine Out of Hours
- Lifeline Tel. 131 114
- Suicide Helpline Victoria Tel. 1300 651 251
- Financial and Consumer Rights Council Tel. 1800 134 139 or (03) 9663 2000
- Kids Help Line Tel. 1800 551 800
- Your doctor or other health professionals
Things to remember
- You may feel angry, hurt and betrayed when you discover that a family member or friend has a gambling problem.
- Counselling services – including financial and legal advice – are available to affected family and friends.
- Take steps to protect your family’s assets and income.
You might also be interested in:
Domestic violence - services for women.
Gambling - do you have a problem?.
Gambling - financial issues.
Gambling - how to change your habits.
Want to know more?
Go to More information for support groups, related links and references.
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