Libido means sex drive. The desire for sex varies enormously from one person to the next. Desire also varies depending on your circumstances at a particular time. Your libido may be affected by medical conditions, hormone levels, medications, lifestyle and relationship issues.
Most new couples experience a ‘honeymoon’ period of plenty of sex that slows down over time. A busy life can leave some people too tired or preoccupied to think about sex.
There is no ‘normal’ libido
There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to how often you have sex. Some people have sex (or feel like it) every day, others once a year or not at all. This all depends on your preferences.
Unless you are concerned about your sex drive, or it is causing problems with your partner, there is no need to seek professional help.
Reasons for reduced libido
As well as medical conditions and the side effects of some medications, many other factors can reduce a person’s desire for sex, including:
- Performance anxiety – if you have experienced premature ejaculation or painful sex, you may avoid sex because you are afraid it may happen again.
- Fatigue – feeling too tired for sex is a common complaint.
- Lack of time – the demands of work and home life sometimes don’t leave enough time for intimacy and sex.
- Familiarity – generally, a couple’s appetite for sex tends to reduce over time.
- Sexual incompatibility – sexual desire can be affected if one partner continuously wants more sex than the other, or desires a type of sexual activity the other isn’t comfortable with.
- Sexual turn-offs – desire for your partner may reduce if there are changes in their physical appearance, such as excessive weight gain.
- Depression – this can cause lethargy, lack of motivation, feeling sad and withdrawing from activities, including sex.
- Stress – researchers have discovered that stress hormones can reduce sexual desire and response.
- Exercise – either too much or too little can decrease libido.
- Traumatic experience – such as sexual harassment, sexual abuse or rape.
Relationship issues
Reduced libido may also be a reflection of relationship problems. If a couple is experiencing difficulties in other areas of their relationship, their sex life may suffer.
Counselling may help
If a couple is unsatisfied with their sex life, they can seek professional counselling. Professional counselling may help with:
- Learning communication skills to improve the overall quality of the relationship
- Attempting to resolve underlying issues of tension or resentment
- Attempting to increase intimacy and physical affection, without necessarily leading to sexual intercourse
- Education on different sexual techniques to try
- Discussing sexual desires and fantasies together
- Strategies to boost each individual’s libido, such as masturbation and fantasising.
Where to get help
- Your doctor
- Family Planning Victoria Tel. (03) 9257 0100
- Sex therapist
- Psychologist
- Relationship counsellor
Things to remember
- The desire for sex varies enormously from one person to the next, and even for the same individual depending on their circumstances.
- Factors that can reduce a person’s desire for sex include fatigue, lack of time, depression, sexual incompatibility and certain drugs.
- If a couple is experiencing difficulties in other areas of their relationship, their sex life may suffer.
- Counselling may help treat reduced libido if relationship issues are an underlying cause.
You might also be interested in:
Erectile dysfunction.
Libido – medical issues.
Menopause.
Sex - premature ejaculation.
Want to know more?
Go to More information for support groups, related links and references.
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